Posts Tagged Personal Life

Winning the game of life

So here we are, with another turning point in my life story that is taking me some time to actually realize and integrate into my higher consciousness.

(I’ll give you all a moment to catch up on those previously discussed topics, if needed…)

I am told by several reliable sources now that I am going to be moving to San Antonio, TX immediately after graduation to start a new full time, big-boy job with Rackspace.  I would be pretty excited.  For almost a decade now I’ve had this thought in the back of my head about working for a web hosting company, on the front lines of globally applied information technology.  I guess it’s really going to happen.

Mother is all excited.  Not that her “big bad beautiful baby boy” is moving 1,706 miles away to a different time zone, but that I am succeeding and all that general proud-parent stuff.  She has even started to plan the party, before I even officially accepted the position just this afternoon.

In the next 2.5 months there will be a lot to plan and arrange and get figured out.  Ideally we (Stacey and I) would have a while longer after graduation to get things figured out and plan for our future, but I guess that will have to come later.  It was commented to me about the quickness of everything, “Welcome to the real world.”  I’ve heard all sorts of commentary and complains about how quick and fast paced American culture and business is, so maybe this is it.

I don’t complain, though.  I am really quite fortunate.  I have been most of my life.  Maybe a prolonged record of good fortune means I’m good at what I do?  I make my own good fate, as it were?  Nah, those ideas are (a) too self-centered for this site and (b) thoughts that I will have to later expand on for a new class I’m in this quarter, and don’t want to get carried away too soon.

I’ve had all the toothpaste I want for a while now, but soon I’m going to be able to make decisions about things named after parts of US legal code, like 401k and IRA.  I personally can’t wait.  It feels like I’ll be more in control of the little universe that exists in my head.

But for now we have to wait still.  At least we aren’t waiting in faithful uncertainty anymore.  I know it’s going to be there waiting for me.  ”Your future awaits” as they say in the movies.  (And bad TV commercials.)  Although the uncertainty was a little soothing to the mind.  I was able to be confident still, to some degree, about being okay in the future, without having to actually know or prepare for any of the details.  But if my LAN party planning experience is any indication, I sort of like the details sometimes.  Again, master of my universe.

I feel like starting a huge poster board checklist.  And since I suck at arts and crafts, it will be a web-based poster board checklist.  Interactive progress bars and everything.  ”Here are all the things between Andrew & Stacey and the real world.”

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Now Jump

Here we are, the lavish life in North Carolina ended and the student life starting again. Nine months ago I thought I would be the victim to more random and unintended adventures in such a strange and foreign land, but for myself I managed to stay in good, boring shape the whole time. Home, work, Harris Teeter, work, home, etc…

There were some unexpected things that happened in that time however. Such as about 6 months ago, this girl insisted on being my loving, devoted and epically-fantastic girlfriend. So that was a happy surprise. She is back in North Carolina being epically-fantastic in her own internship now, and I am here going to classes. Yay me. Yay us.

Life has a way of being randomly unexpected at times. People say things like that a lot. I see that it makes sense. What we call “life” in this context and all the things it consists of are “controlled” by a countless number of separate variables/people/things/events. There is no way at all we could predict it all. (Not until Skynet takes over that is…) Given this situation, the logical person adopts a philosophy of “Hakuna Matata” and moves on. This is what I have done for the last several years. Up until recently, this hasn’t been an issue for me really since all the random and unexpected things in my life were either trivial or really good/fortunate happenstances that I was able to gladly accept.

A while ago I was talking about a method of emotional self-protection I’ve observed which causes a delayed reaction to major changes. This major change is still in the process of reacting. The delay was assisted by the fact that I have had unfortunate amounts of shit to shovel and deal with (professionally, scholastically, domestically) in the few days since and it isn’t going to slow down soon. Some would say that is a good thing. Others would rather there be nothing to distract the mind and soul from dealing with the present. Honestly, I once thought I knew but I don’t know on which side of that argument I stand.

Here are some things I do know. I do know that if I were the kind to profess my undying love and infatuation for someone on a public medium this would be the time. (Whenever I see it, it just looks and sounds tacky and a little ridiculous. I guess I can understand it but still, some things are better left in private.) If I were in a movie with a low special effects budget and they were in for a close up of my face, there would be stars and little hearts and puffs of pink smoke in my eyes. If money and future stability were not an issue I would be in a different state right now. If the world were kind enough to work the way I wanted it to, I would not have to be in classes to get a diploma to get a job to get success and all the toothpaste I’d ever want. I could instead spend the rest of my life with the one who makes me happy and her willow tree.

But the world is not that perfect. Here we are in reality, and here I am with my next little chapter of existence. Here I am with my next obstacle on my sprint to success. Now jump.

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Nutritious Lifestyle

Bananas fresh from the store

Due to the typical schedule I work down here, I only meal I eat at my own apartment is breakfast.  I wake up late enough that there isn’t usually time for a lunch before leaving for work.  We also usually go out to eat on our “lunch” break, which is a dinner to most people.  I get home well after midnight and try to have a little snack before going to sleep.  That’s as much of a third “meal” as I get.

Yesterday I got some bananas as I was shopping.  It was completely spur-of-the-moment.  (Well, not entirely because a co-worker brought one in a few days before and the idea was in my head already.)

See how nutritious they look???  My mommy taught me well.  I do what I can to stay healthy and promote good habits for staying that way.

Well, not that well.  I can still have fun.

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Still holding on

Here we are, almost 4 months into my new life with Cisco and North Carolina.  Time is just flying right by.  The popular belief is this means I have been having fun.  I can’t think of a better, stronger word for it so I guess “fun” will have to do.

This time away from my previous world has brought things into a different focus.

Avid readers will know of my previous fixation on toothpaste.  I now have the means to get all the different kinds of toothpaste I want.  It feels good to have those options.

Along with the toothpaste we desired other qualities of life.  Some are even starting to fall into place.  In the past couple years I have kept my cosmic expectations fairly low.  I do this for practical reasons.  I know what I want, I know what my priorities are, and I plan to live a long life so there is no rush.  This has helped my general happiness too, as described in my previous post.

But things never work out as you plan.  That is something else I have always been aware of, but never really had to contend with.  Does this also apply to when things work out better then expected?  I have always accepted the things that happen to and around me which I have no direct control over.  (Because, I have no direct control over them.)  These days life has been such that I am just accepting all these wonderful things that happen to me just as I would some trouble or turmoil I would have to deal with.  My fail-safe for getting through anything is starting to catch false-positives.  (Just a little computer scientist reference there.)

What has this all caused?  Well, life still happens.  All these wonderful things still do and have happened.  The interesting part is that I don’t know how I feel about it all yet.  If I do know how I feel about it, I don’t know if that is how I should feel, or will end up feeling about it.  I am aware of the fact that once this c’est la vie attitude wears off I may feel something different.  Is that normal?  If there were hypothetically other people out there who reacted to good and bad fortune in the same way like this, would this all be normal?

The worst part about it all is that there is a delayed ultimate reaction to everything.  I can think about and mull over anything to my hearts content, but I am in the end stuck waiting on the sidelines for my heart to make up its final decision.

Again, no worries.  No rush.  What will happen will happen and I’ll deal with that too.  Eventually.

I would like to note to the bulk of the handful of readers out there that this is all meant to be somewhat vague.  The exact specifics are not mentioned in here as to not clutter up the rest of the discussion.  Also, they are not mentioned here because I haven’t decided yet how I ultimately feel about them.  Oh bother…

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The 5 Reasons I am Happy and You Should Be Too

This is one of those post ideas I came up with months ago.  Actually, just the title and general idea I came up with.  All this text is new.  Because of all the elapsed time between concept and reality, take the title as more of a metaphor then anything literal.

I’ve always been a happy kid/person.  (I don’t believe kids are people.  That’s another topic.)  In my entire memory (and I have memories daing back to age 2) I cannot remember being exceptionally depressed for more then a day.  It was not until much more recently in my life that I realized this is not the way for all, or even most people.  Why that is is again a different topic.  What I’d like to discuss this evening is what I believe is responsible for this overall outlook.  I see these things in myself and I don’t see them often, or at all, in the people I meet and mentally evaluate.  I will apologize now for the elitist attitude this probably will end up having.

  1. Compartmentalized thought process. This may take a bit of practice for some, but you can divide your mind into compartments or categories or sections or whatever you want to call them.  The point is that you are able to identify where one issue ends and another starts.  This is something you have to maintain just about at all times or else things can start to blur together and you will have trouble separating them in the future.  At this point it may sound like I am taking the analogy too far but in fact I’ve been talking literally for the last 3 sentences.  As you are dealing with one issue, you do not want to be worried about something else which in reality has no ties to the issue at hand.  Programmers do this all the time to better understand what they have to do.  It makes things easier to comprehend when there isn’t so much so look at.  It applies perfectly to programming and to life in general.  Even when two issues may in reality be connected and/or originate from the same place, your thought processes do not have to be merged.  You can consider one problem on its own before beginning to consider something else.  This ties into number 4 below, prioritization.
  2. Detach from yourself. This is something that can be very bad.  You see it in TV or movies sometime, where the character is some part delirious, part schizophrenic and exists in the show as either comedy relief or as some statement about intra-personal turmoil.  Often this character is played by Summer Glau.  What I mean by it is that you would be well served by the ability to be aware of all the things around you and all the things in your mind, but not attached to them to let them affect how you handle anything else.  This is not a mental state you would stay in all the time, but only when mentally dealing with problems or anything else that can lead you to stress, fear, worry, etc…  The ultimate truth is that all those emotions are over something you may or may not have control over, but in any case do not have control over now.  If you can do something about it, you would be doing it.  If you haven’t thought of what you can do yet, starting the worry or fear now is just going to make things exponentially worse.  So just detach from it.  For those with only a beginners level of mental-self-reprogramming ability, you can pretend that you are someone else trying to solve your issue.  This entire mindset leads to a much faster and clearer thought process.  And that’s what you need.
  3. “All-ways look on the briiight side, of life!” One of my favorite Monty Python music numbers aside, it is never a bad thing to recognize something positive.  If not positive then non-negative.  (This is where I have to put the computer scientist in me aside, where there are only the two options.)  Everything is a murky shade of gray.  That’s the way the world is.  Unfortunately, the universe and nature and people are not programmed in binary so there will always be more then one way to look at something.  Even when the situation prevents you from taking immediate comfort in the brighter outlook you have recognized, it will at the very least be something you can look back on in the future to prevent that point in time from being a total black spot in your life.
  4. Prioritize everything. This does not have to be an entirely conscious effort, but you can be aware of how one thought or issue is more or less important then another.  Especially when you are feeling overloaded by whatever issues you are dealing with at the moment, you need to be able to not only compartmentalize, but also to recognize what you should do first.  That is the beginning of any plan, and a plan means a goal for happiness and success.  (Unless you plan to be miserable.  Then you should seek a better source of self help then blogs.)  When you can recognize the different facets of your situation, you can see what needs to be done first and how that will help everything else.  Additionally, if you are an O.C.D.-mathematician like me, you get great pleasure out of discovering the shortest path between two points, be them physical, mental or emotional.
  5. Trust yourself. Arrogance is like this, but on the outside.  On the inside, in your mind, this means that you have made a promise to yourself to always trust something you have previously decided.  Now of course this does not mean you can’t change your mind or re-evaluate or something like that.  This means that you will not do those things needlessly.  You will actually take action on something you have already decided to do.  Not only does this prevent stagnation, but it encourages a more adventurous and laze-fare attitude.  This can also be a great source of stability in your life, even when nothing else it.

Marginally-clever title’s aside, this isn’t a statement of things that will always work for everyone.  I however have found these to be great truths in my life.  From these ideas and others along the same line of thought, I feel comfortable that I can handle anything, and that I will always be able to do so.  I have no idea what the future may hold, even a mere 2 years from now.  I am not worried, however.  The last 22 years, 10 months and 2 days have prepared me to the point where everything else from this point on is possible.

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