M.etaphysical E.xistance

My thoughts, your mind, intertwined.

Steve

Sep 19

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First, I’d like to mention that my last post seems to have attracted more worries and concern from the few dedicated readers I have. Rest assured, it was not meant to be depressing or anything like that. It is just a personally motivated commentary on the things we want (as individuals, as groups or couples of people, as a human race).

Second, I’d like to share that I am, once again, seriously considering getting a Macbook. I even applied for the “instant credit” they have just to see what it would give me. They approved me in less then 5 seconds for twice what I indicated I would be using.

Third, I would like to also share that should I get this macbook, I have already decided that when it joins my network (currently consisting of ADR-super, ADR-media, ADR-icecube, ADR-bytes, ADR-linus, ADR-laptop, ADR-wii, ADR-love and ADR-server) its host name is going to be ADR-steve.

Read the rest of this entry »

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I Want

Sep 18

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I want to be able to do what I want to do whenever I want to do it, no matter what.

I want to own a private jet that goes between Rochester and North Carolina whenever we want.

I want security.

I want to feel secure in my future.

I want to not have to worry week to week or month to month about anything.

I want to be happy.

I want to have all the latest and funnest stuff.

I want to be able to  decide what and how I use the things I have.

. . . . . . . . .

I don’t want to sound like a brat or ungrateful or anything.  I’m just saying.  I guess there are a lot of various things that everyone wants for one reason or another.  That is life.  That’s being human, with all the desires and hopes and dreams that come with that.  Being happy and content is about finding a way to “make do” with what we have and can achieve.  Happiness can be a choice, even.  Forget the fact that you don’t have everything you want, forget that you are only mortal, forget that you do not have access to limitless resources.  Just forget it all, and be happy.  Blissful ignorance.  (I have to say, in the last couple years I have been finding connections to that phrase/concept a lot more…)

I mean, what is “make do” supposed to mean anyways?  Again, are we supposed to just forget what we want and what we need to achieve it, and do something else?  Be something else?  That is not the same.  I’m sorry, universe, but I will not be fooled like that.  I cannot just make do with what I have.  I can accept what I have.  I can accept it as a temporary condition which will be changed in the near future.

But to me, it sounds sort of sad and a lot of hopeless, to just be happy and make do.  What good are these dreams if not to be achieved eventually?  Whatever process it was that created us and our minds gave us this ability to desire.  It has to be good for something.  It is at the very core of all of human progress and innovation, isn’t it?  Is that its only purpose?  Are all desires supposed to be for the betterment of mankind alone?  Looking at the most accurate guide to the future we have, the Star Trek timeline, it was not until the human race went through a third world war, first contact with alien races, and the total collapse of the global economy that all the nations even started to come together for any actual common purpose.  It was another 150 years or so until the Utopian ”United Federation of Planets” came together.  Look at what had to happen first, before man was ready to want only for his fellow man.  Are we just not there yet?  Am I still allowed to want for myself, at least until the men with the pointed ears land?

I don’t have any real answers here.  As with every other existential question I pose to myself, I will answer just with what I have been doing so far.  I will continue to want and desire and dream.  I will continue to be driven by that towards my goals, and I will achieve them.  That is not a question.  That is a statement.  Period.  Another period.  (I want to make sure you feel as final about that statement as I do.  Period.  End parentheses.)  There will be some day when I am completally and 100% content with life, the universe and everything.  That is not today.

For now I will continue to “make do.”  I will try not to whine and moan too much about what I don’t have.  Although, right about now I would really like that airplane.

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Get Ready

Sep 14

Guest post by stacey | 1 Comment

There’s a collaborative post coming soon from Andrew and I.  Oh, if you don’t know me, my name is Stacey and I am currently and supposedly being fantastic here in North Carolina as a music therapy intern.

Basically, I just want my dang degree so I can do something else with my life.  If you get bored with the pace of this blog, I am not sure if mine is the best to suggest but you’re welcome to check it out.  ;)

Oh, and the most important thing about me that I like to crochet and I also am currently cheating on Andrew with a grey female cat who thinks she is the center of the universe.  ;)

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MacBook

Sep 11

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So I am at the apple store in Eastview mall right now playing on a little MacBook.  Not the Pro.  I’m not cool enough for the pro.

This entry is all just for the purpose of (a) making another update because my girlfriend says that I don’t update often enough and (b) to see how the feel of this silly raised keyboard will work.  That’s because since this is the lowest level macbook, I will not be getting it for anything intensive.  Therefore the only thing it will be good for is to do work.  The typing kind of work.

So far i guess it is okay.  I could get used to this quick enough.  (Shut up amanda about my grammar.  And my spelling.  Brat.)

Hey, it works a lot better when I look at the keyboard when I type.  I don’t know if that is cheating.  I don’t think that I care.

Hmmm, well I guess that is enough for now.  Now time to see if I can get this thing’s CPU to melt….

Now Jump

Sep 5

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Here we are, the lavish life in North Carolina ended and the student life starting again. Nine months ago I thought I would be the victim to more random and unintended adventures in such a strange and foreign land, but for myself I managed to stay in good, boring shape the whole time. Home, work, Harris Teeter, work, home, etc…

There were some unexpected things that happened in that time however. Such as about 6 months ago, this girl insisted on being my loving, devoted and epically-fantastic girlfriend. So that was a happy surprise. She is back in North Carolina being epically-fantastic in her own internship now, and I am here going to classes. Yay me. Yay us.

Life has a way of being randomly unexpected at times. People say things like that a lot. I see that it makes sense. What we call “life” in this context and all the things it consists of are “controlled” by a countless number of separate variables/people/things/events. There is no way at all we could predict it all. (Not until Skynet takes over that is…) Given this situation, the logical person adopts a philosophy of “Hakuna Matata” and moves on. This is what I have done for the last several years. Up until recently, this hasn’t been an issue for me really since all the random and unexpected things in my life were either trivial or really good/fortunate happenstances that I was able to gladly accept.

A while ago I was talking about a method of emotional self-protection I’ve observed which causes a delayed reaction to major changes. This major change is still in the process of reacting. The delay was assisted by the fact that I have had unfortunate amounts of shit to shovel and deal with (professionally, scholastically, domestically) in the few days since and it isn’t going to slow down soon. Some would say that is a good thing. Others would rather there be nothing to distract the mind and soul from dealing with the present. Honestly, I once thought I knew but I don’t know on which side of that argument I stand.

Here are some things I do know. I do know that if I were the kind to profess my undying love and infatuation for someone on a public medium this would be the time. (Whenever I see it, it just looks and sounds tacky and a little ridiculous. I guess I can understand it but still, some things are better left in private.) If I were in a movie with a low special effects budget and they were in for a close up of my face, there would be stars and little hearts and puffs of pink smoke in my eyes. If money and future stability were not an issue I would be in a different state right now. If the world were kind enough to work the way I wanted it to, I would not have to be in classes to get a diploma to get a job to get success and all the toothpaste I’d ever want. I could instead spend the rest of my life with the one who makes me happy and her willow tree.

But the world is not that perfect. Here we are in reality, and here I am with my next little chapter of existence. Here I am with my next obstacle on my sprint to success. Now jump.

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