Here we are, almost 4 months into my new life with Cisco and North Carolina. Time is just flying right by. The popular belief is this means I have been having fun. I can’t think of a better, stronger word for it so I guess “fun” will have to do.
This time away from my previous world has brought things into a different focus.
Avid readers will know of my previous fixation on toothpaste. I now have the means to get all the different kinds of toothpaste I want. It feels good to have those options.
Along with the toothpaste we desired other qualities of life. Some are even starting to fall into place. In the past couple years I have kept my cosmic expectations fairly low. I do this for practical reasons. I know what I want, I know what my priorities are, and I plan to live a long life so there is no rush. This has helped my general happiness too, as described in my previous post.
But things never work out as you plan. That is something else I have always been aware of, but never really had to contend with. Does this also apply to when things work out better then expected? I have always accepted the things that happen to and around me which I have no direct control over. (Because, I have no direct control over them.) These days life has been such that I am just accepting all these wonderful things that happen to me just as I would some trouble or turmoil I would have to deal with. My fail-safe for getting through anything is starting to catch false-positives. (Just a little computer scientist reference there.)
What has this all caused? Well, life still happens. All these wonderful things still do and have happened. The interesting part is that I don’t know how I feel about it all yet. If I do know how I feel about it, I don’t know if that is how I should feel, or will end up feeling about it. I am aware of the fact that once this c’est la vie attitude wears off I may feel something different. Is that normal? If there were hypothetically other people out there who reacted to good and bad fortune in the same way like this, would this all be normal?
The worst part about it all is that there is a delayed ultimate reaction to everything. I can think about and mull over anything to my hearts content, but I am in the end stuck waiting on the sidelines for my heart to make up its final decision.
Again, no worries. No rush. What will happen will happen and I’ll deal with that too. Eventually.
I would like to note to the bulk of the handful of readers out there that this is all meant to be somewhat vague. The exact specifics are not mentioned in here as to not clutter up the rest of the discussion. Also, they are not mentioned here because I haven’t decided yet how I ultimately feel about them. Oh bother…